Life for Dummies

Dolly needed a vacation. The phrase, “I need a vacation,” is uttered by millions of people each day, each one firmly believing that they need a vacation, a break from the routine of their daily lives, a change of scenery to interrupt the vague monotony of their existence, but the word “need” has varying degrees of truth. In Dolly’s case, she really needed a vacation.

Dolly looked terrible. Pale, underweight, tired; dark circles below her eyes so large they could harbor fugitives for weeks at a time. She was physically exhausted. Passing by her desk, co-workers often commented she looked like she was going to, “face plant right into the computer.” The computer. Dolly sat in front of the computer for hours at a time, motionless except for the movement in her fingers as they typed along. She could have been doing her assigned tasks or writing the Communist Manifesto 3.0, she barely knew the difference at this point. Although Dolly had never been very political, save for the “New Yorkers for a Green Tomorrow” rally she had attended in 1997 clad in purple Birkenstocks and a homemade tie dye dress she’d ruined a lobster pot making.

Her mind was spent. So much so that she had no thoughts beyond those that got her from point A to point B. The only thinking that took place was that which was essential to her going through the motions. Her brain read like the table of contents from Life for Dummies:

I. Wake up

II. Turn off alarm clock

III. Sit up

IV. Walk to bathroom

V. Turn on light

VI. Look in mirror

VII. Frown

VIII. Turn on shower to get water hot

IX. Lift up nightgown

X. Sit on toilet

XI. Try not to fall back asleep while waiting for bowel movement

XII. Poop

Another day in the life of Dolly.