My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nine Pizzas. Or something.

In the annals of highly effective memory tools, the mnemonic stands alone as a genius technique rooted in the very best of ridiculousness. Looking at the recent images of Pluto taken by NASA’s New Horizons spacecraft, an unmanned mission that has travelled over nine years and three billion miles to reach Pluto, allowing us the first glimpses at what NASA calls the “icy dwarf planet” (yeah NASA), I couldn’t help but think back on my early solar system teachings and wonder why, decades and countless advances in planetary science later, is the go-to key to remembering something as essential as the order of our fair planets still “My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nine Pizzas?”

The answer, I suspect, lies in the black hole of ridiculousness.

It can be said that I’ve never met a mnemonic I didn’t like. Helpful for recalling even the most tedious of facts and order of sequences, a mnemonic can be made up anytime, anywhere based on nothing but what works for you. If only more things in life were like that… politics anyone? Unlike the periodic chart, the multiplication tables burned into your brain and the insanely catchy song you were forced to memorize in order to learn the names of every state in alphabetical order—Oh, “Fifty Nifty United States,” I think of you often—a mnemonic does not fit into one box, it fits into every box your brain can think up. And we know how much your brain thinks about box.

The planetary mnemonic “My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nine Pizzas” is but one form of mnemonic. Other common mnemonic devices include image mnemonics, spelling mnemonics (“i” before “e” except after “c”) and musical mnemonics like singing your ABCs. Perhaps the most widely used mnemonics are word mnemonics like “Never Eat Shredded Wheat” to remember the North, South, East, West directional order or mnemonics involving use of the first letter in a word, a la “ROY G BIV” for the red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo and violet, colors of the rainbow. You remember Roy; he was the nose picker who sat behind you in Language Arts. “But isn’t ‘ROY G BIV’ really an acronym?” you are yelling at your screen right now, incensed by the outright blasphemy you’ve just read. Yes, it is acronym, that beloved device society holds so dear, but an acronym is simply another form of mnemonic.

Is there no end to your greatness, mnemonic?

As widespread and seemingly adored as the mighty mnemonic is, the planet Pluto stands at the opposite end of the respect spectrum. Long maligned for being small in stature (Pluto is smaller than even Earth’s moon) and portrayed as a land of frigid darkness, the ultimate slap in the face to Pluto came in 2006 when it was unceremoniously demoted from its classification as a planet and relabeled with its current “dwarf planet” status. In its reasoning, the International Astronomical Union announced that Pluto did not meet all three criteria for planet status, “It must be in orbit around the Sun, have a spherical shape, and have ‘cleared the neighborhood’ around its orbital plane of other bodies.” A significant blow to the icy sphere we had all come to know and love, Pluto, it seemed, just couldn’t get no respect.

Wouldn’t you think Uranus would be the maligned one? I mean, Uranus.

Then, low and behold, in July of 2015, the images captured by New Horizons revealed a planet that National Geographic called, “stunningly alive.” Nitrogen glaciers, carbon monoxide and methane ice, and evidence of active seismic shifts have once again given way to the debate on Pluto’s planetary status. And thank god, because “My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nine” just doesn’t have the same ring to it.

“My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nine Pizzas” without “Pizzas” is like the tedium of “A, E, I, O, U and sometimes Y.” Why only sometimes “y?” Yes, “y” is also a consonant, but let it into the club. Don’t leave it dangling there like that, pulled between two worlds, like Bo Jackson, leggings (for the last time, they are not pants) or poor Pluto. Frankly, without Pluto, “My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nine Pizzas” needs a major overhaul. But then, hasn’t it always?

For starters, if your mom was so educated, wouldn’t she be off doing something with more gravitas than serving pizzas? Like curing cancer or discovering a way to recycle all of the world’s water. And, going off her high education, wouldn’t she also have the sense to know that you don’t need nine pizzas? You need a salad and some lean protein. Anyway you look at it “My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nine Pizzas” is a completely ridiculous mnemonic. Keeping Pluto in the group—above all, I am an equal opportunity planetary enthusiast—what might be some better mnemonics to help the world embrace planetary order?

“May Vic’s Enthusiasm Merit Jumping Sandwiches Under Nightly Patrol.” Late night sandwich patrol makes perfect sense. “Mayor Vows Euphoria Makes Jury Sentence Upper Ninth Precinct.” Perhaps a bit much for the school children of the world. “Melinda’s Vest Eats More Juice Slicing Up Nonsense Pasta.” Yes, I love nonsense pasta. Or how about, “Mary’s Violet Encrusted Maserati Justifies Solitary Use Not Publicity.”

Attention: Ladies and Gentleman, we have a winner.

“Mary’s Violet Encrusted Maserati Justifies Solitary Use Not Publicity” is perfect. It not only provides the tools for our brains to adequately remember the order of the planets, but also gives a small lesson in humility to the youngsters of the world. You may be rocking a sparkly purple Maserati someday, but do it in the privacy of your own driveway, Mary.

Perhaps that’s what the universe is all about. It’s not so much how we remember what we need to know, but that we remember it and learn the lesson it teaches us. We can spend time splitting hairs about which celestial being is or is not a planet, or what mnemonic does or does not make sense, but we only have so much time (I’m sorry, you’re never going to get this ten minutes back). And in that time we need to gain knowledge, move through life, try not to hurt anyone, be humble about our violet encrusted Maserati and die.

Whether or not “My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nine Pizzas” happens to be an absurd phrase, if it works for you, then keep using it. I may have just given the world the new go-to mnemonic for planetary order, but light years from now when those violet Maseratis are floating space, the only thing that will matter is that people know what planet they’re on. It will be of no consequence that the person who came up with “Mary’s Violet Encrusted Maserati Justifies Solitary Use Not Publicity” frequently used “Never Eat Shredded Wheat” to figure out where they were going.