Ridiculous in the City

There is nothing like putting on a few pounds to make the world take notice. Case in point: “Fat Barbie.” Mattel’s reveal of its new, decidedly more politically correct Barbie dolls last week sent the media into an all out frenzy. The new additions to the iconic doll line include Petite Barbie, Tall Barbie and Curvy Barbie—who didn’t make it five minutes before she was predictably dubbed “Fat Barbie.”

*Adding insult to already ridiculous injury.*

It was bound to happen sooner or later. In the space between a culture obsessed with physical appearance and a society attempting to make progress on the sensitive topic of young children and body image, something as iconic and stereotypical as Barbie had to make a change. And change she did. While Petite Barbie and Tall Barbie remain as slender as ever, Curvy Barbie went from Barbie’s classic size 0 to a size 10 (that late night pizza will do it every time). Given that the average American woman is a size 14, that puts “Fat Barbie” well under the benchmark of what we would commonly interpret as fat, and significantly underweight when compared to the majority of women in the country.

And I know how much we all love to be compared to the majority of women in the country.

But what I find most ridiculous about the images of “Fat Barbie”—yes, I should be calling her Curvy Barbie having just debunked her “fatness,” but “Fat Barbie” is so much more amusing and I need this—is not her average looking size, but the fact that Mattel has given her a variety of outfit options that make her look like a middle-aged mall-goer desperately clinging to some far-off, overly suggestive idea of fashion relevancy.

All of “Fat Barbie’s” skirts are short, her tops are generally tight and her shoe options trend toward the platform variety. She can have blue hair and even sport a mesh mini-dress with a back leather baseball cap if you like. Mattel describes “Fat Barbie’s” style options as looks, “from casually cool to boho bold,” adding that the fashions are, “inspired by the latest trends!” I can hear Anna Wintour howling from here.

Take the “Fat Barbie” pictured above. She is the “Everyday Chic” model, decked out in what Mattel muses is, “a cool red and white striped tank with bow graphic and trendy denim capris.” In reality, “Everyday Chic Fat Barbie” is clinging to life in her purposely worn-in, too short to be flattering capri jeans, her passé blonde blowout, an impractical white wristlet and a tank top adorned with a bow that looks like it may eat her boobs in the next five minutes. What’s next—jeggings, a big white “sport watch” and knockoff Tory Burch logo flats?

“Fat Barbie” does, however, have options like thick, black nerd glasses, because apparently even Barbie is a hipster, and wedge sneakers. Thank you, Isabel Marant.

Yet, it’s still only the skinny Barbies that have more flattering wardrobe options like ankle-length pants, pencil skirts that hit below the knee, tailored tops and little jackets, appropriately taking her from day to steamy night on the town with Ken. These svelte ladies can also change into sensible yoga pants, carry convenient top handle bags and sport modern hairdos like the “lob” and a topknot.

Still no $1000 fur mules though.

It seems that just as Barbie has attempted to move forward and embrace more broad definitions of body image, she is still being held down by how she is allowed to outfit herself. And if the worry is that young girls are getting unrealistic expectations by playing with skinny Barbie, how are they to picture themselves alongside Curvy Barbie and her mini skirt? I’d like to propose that all Barbies have the option to wear more realistic clothing and get away from the need to be “on trend,” a term that is obviously subject to interpretation.

Jeans and a T-Shirt Barbie, Belted Shirt Dress Barbie, Power Suit Barbie, Pajama Chic Barbie, Caftan Queen Barbie; there’s nothing Barbies of any size can’t wear if they put their minds to it. Just like there’s nothing girls of any age can’t and won’t wear if they so desire. So let’s give them realistic options to desire and save the world another teenager clad in a mesh dress.

Now that we have that settled, Ken is looking seriously metrosexual these days.